Domestic Abuse takes on many forms. The ugly secrets often hide in the shadows and behind closed doors, but the lasting scars are real, for both adults and children. Understanding abuse and admitting you are a victim can be a daunting process predicated by shame and fear. The tremendous courage it takes to leave an abusive situation is validated with freedom, but this takes time, tenacity and support to achieve.
If you are managing a situation that is threatening, violent, or abusive, the process of divorce can be even more daunting to consider, fathom and endure. Change is scary— it can be overwhelming even knowing where or how to begin. Emotions, habits, and fear can take over, sending you back to the pattern of abuse. Our team can help you begin the process to escape this unhealthy cycle.
The fear of the unknown causes many people to stay in abusive situations. There are resources available for someone considering leaving, and for those who are unsure of their options. We understand the fear, hurt and shame you may experience if you have a spouse who has become threatening, abusive or violent, during the process of divorce. In most cases, the abuse is not new but may become exacerbated, when the relationship is changing.
A key reality to internalize is that nothing you do warrants abusive behavior of any kind.
The fear of retaliatory abuse can be overwhelming, as you consider your personal safety today, tomorrow and in the future. If you have minor children to protect, the fear and anxieties are compounded, as you worry and wonder about what divorce will look like, with an abusive ex-spouse. We are sensitive to how painful and intensely private these issues can be, and we can relate to the conflicted feelings and fear you may have. Living with habitual abuse is unhealthy for everyone, even those around you (similar to how secondhand smokers suffer).
A life of freedom awaits you— we can help!
Support and Guidance
Our team provides resources, experience, and confidential leadership, during this emotional time of uncertainty. Our team will help you understand your situation, assist you with requesting protection for you and your children, seek restraining order(s) (if needed), and carefully help you find the right support for you and your family. This can be a traumatic, intimidating process. You are valuable and we are here for you.
Seeking professional therapy is an essential part of understanding and healing from domestic abuse. We have researched and compiled a cadre of local resources focused on a variety of specialties, styles and costs. Most therapy is covered by health insurance, at least in part. Our network of local providers accepts health insurance, to help defray costs and maximize your healing. We work closely with our clients to find the professional support they need.
Domestic abuse is traumatic, emotional and confusing. You may feel desperate to get out, but fearful to leave. The decisions are complex, the future is uncertain and the pain is real. When the dynamic begins to change at home, your spouse’s abusive behavior may escalate and they may become “unhinged”. There are many options to support those managing an unpredictable and volatile situation. You are not alone!
The time of separation can be a dangerous time for victims of domestic abuse. There is key information that is important to know, as you work to extricate safely from an abusive relationship.
If you feel afraid for your personal safety, or that of your children, 911 should be your first call— this includes verbal threats. There is no shame in calling the police.
Make local law enforcement aware of your current situation. During the day, visit your local police precinct. Share with an officer the location of your home, describe your current situation, provide the history of violence and/or threats, physical description of your spouse, vehicle(s) and any/all weapon(s)— details, current photos are helpful.
Try to minimize contact with your spouse, via text/phone and in person. Ongoing communication incites increased tension, and provides opportunities for more abuse to occur. Don’t engage…. short, factual communication with no emotion is best. Minimal contact regarding logistics should be the only reason for communication during this tenuous time.
If your spouse has a history of abuse (verbal or physical), try not to be alone with them. If you have shared custody, try to have a friend, neighbor or family member with you during times of transition. This takes advance planning, but can decrease the trauma on you and your family, as assaults (verbal or physical) are less likely to occur when an adult witness is present.
Helpful resources for acute support:
Emergency: 911
LifeWire Crisis Line: (425) 746-1940 / (800) 827-8840
Mary’s Place: (206) 245-1026
Safe Horizon: (800) 621-4673
Northwest Family Life: (866) 427-4747
Northwest Justice Project: (206) 464-1519 / (888) 201-1014
Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence (24 hours): (800) 799-7233
On-Call Therapist: text 741-741
Virtual | On-Demand Therapist: Better Help
We recognize that each divorce is different and carefully plan a custom strategy that is right for you and your situation, no matter what stage you are.
Our work together is sensitive, discreet and confidential, while we provide a customized, non-judgmental safe-haven keeping you focused and on task.
Our experience, wisdom, and compassionate leadership streamline and supports you through this painful process saving you time and money.
