The process of divorce brings up roller coaster of intense emotions. When you ignore your feelings in order to cope with a situation, you block access to your emotions. A large part of the process of healing involves breaking down the walls between you and your feelings, and welcoming them.
What makes it hard to let our walls down? What if you lack the skills needed to cope with the pain?
- Sitting with the feeling. Fight the natural urge to escape your feelings. Take a deep breath and set a goal to sit with your feelings.
- Putting words to the feeling. Try to identify the feeling and process your feelings. Give them a name. Or, since the most powerful feelings are a mixture of multiple fears + feelings, several names. For example: hurt, fear, worry, and disappointment.
- Remind yourself that this feeling is only just that: a feeling. It’s your body telling you something. Don’t give your feelings too much power— try to listen to what your feeling(s) may be telling you.
- Let your tears out (men, this applies to you as well). This works best when you don’t hold back. Tears are your friend in this process.
- Recognize that no feeling lasts forever. Move through a strong emotion by accepting it. If you fight or try to escape it, it will hold power over you and rise up again later.
- Picture the feeling as a wave washing over you. Don’t run away from the wave nor head into it. Brace yourself, sit still and let the wave run its course.
- Most intense emotions need to be felt more than once and processed before they go away. When you feel the emotion lessening, it’s ok to put it aside and distract yourself… knowing that the feelings may come back again later.
Divorce is the end of a dream. With it comes a series of emotions. Each time you welcome, sit with, and process intense emotions, you are breaking through old patterns and walls you have established. Take a simmering emotion that has had power over you and take control of it. By listening to your feelings, you are listening to yourself. You are giving yourself something vital, powerful, and meaningful: emotional acceptance and validation.
There is nothing more courageous and empowering, as you forge a path to your “new normal”.
Your Trusted Partner
Whether you’re contemplating a divorce, have already started the process, or are far into the proceedings, do you wish you had someone to share with you the inside scoop on how to save money, time, and emotional energy on your divorce?
Our team is available for Support On-Demand to discuss the many scenarios, options, and implications of separation or divorce, via telephone or videoconference during this time. Feel free to get in touch with us; we are here for you!
