If you got married thinking it would solve your personal or relationship issues, it won’t be long before you realize the flaws in that mistaken belief.
Just as having kids won’t fix problems in your marriage, getting married will not fix underlying relationship issues either. Marriage won’t solve problems, such as feeling lonely and being unhappy. If you’ve been considering divorce, you may be wondering how to make the right decision for you and for your family. It’s normal to have doubts creep into your mind on occasion, but sometimes it’s necessary to take a step back, and closely evaluate your future.
How do you know if you are doing the right thing? How do you know whether to fight for your marriage or cut your losses? Here are a few signs that indicate it may be time to seriously consider divorce.
1. You got married to fix your problems
Just as having kids won’t fix problems, getting married won’t resolve underlying relationship issues. Marriage does not solve problems, like communication issues,
2. Your spouse’s touch makes your skin crawl
His touch gives you goosebumps, but not in a good way. In fact, it feels like a thousand ants on your skin. In a loving, healthy relationship, you should be caressing, cuddling, kissing, and all the wonderful things that come with being with someone you love. If this is not the case, think about why you feel repulsed. This alone may not be reason enough to pursue
If you or your spouse
4. You wouldn’t want to stay, even if your partner changed
What is it that needs to change, for you to feel good about staying in the relationship? If it’s an issue that can be resolved, you may be able to work through it together. If it cannot be resolved, divorce may be in your future. Whatever you do, resist demanding that your spouse change, and do not make ultimatums. This behavior will likely cause your spouse to become defensive, and will not result in harmony.
5. Envisioning a future with your spouse brings you anxiety
You should be able to imagine a wonderful life, full of success ahead of you. You can see yourself reaching new heights in your career, traveling to explore new adventures, or finally getting up the courage to move to a new city. If you can’t see how your spouse fits into your future, face the truth, and make careful steps towards change in your life.
6. Resentment between you
The root of every divorce, no matter what issues, the larger root is often resentment. At some point in your relationship, you may harbor resentment for your significant other, which can heighten and build throughout your relationship.
The key to a successful relationship is to not harbor your resentment, but have the courage to deal with it, before it takes on a life of its own. If you or your spouse are feeling resentment, try to be honest and seek couple’s counseling
7. Marital therapy has not helped
For many people, couple’s therapy feels like an option of last resort. Perhaps you’ve gone down this road with your partner before, and nothing has changed. Your needs are not being fulfilled, and you still feel that you would be better off alone. If you have tried professional therapy but it has not brought peace between you, it may be time to consider divorce.
8. You just don’t care anymore
Your spouse does something that would normally make your blood boil, but now it doesn’t seem to faze you. At this point in your relationship, you have emotionally “checked out”. It takes two people to make a marriage work. If you have no desire to work on your marriage, you should face reality. Consider counseling to pursue strategies to make needed changes, and take the time to seriously examine your marriage relationship.
9. You prefer to be alone
When you think about the possibility of being single again, you feel downright giddy. If you think of your future and you envision another partner, and/or if the thought of divorce excites you, the time may have come to
10. You know why you want a divorce
Take time to explore what it is about your marriage that is making you want
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Whether you’re contemplating a divorce, have already started the process, or are far into the proceedings, do you wish you had someone to share with you the inside scoop on how to save money, time and emotional energy on your divorce?
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