Facing divorce can feel isolating, daunting and overwhelming. You almost can’t imagine surviving something like this, and coming out on the other side. What will life be like, after divorce?
Your life as you know it is about to change in many ways. It is hard to fathom what your post-divorce life will look and feel like. If you’re like most people when encountering uncertainty, you will imagine and fear the worst, for yourself, for your children, for your life.
“The good news is that you can survive, heal and even grow from your divorce. Worst-case scenario, what you are imagining does not have to become your reality.”– Lissy Des Voigne | Divorce Coach at Divorce Strategies Northwest
The good news is that you can survive, heal, and even grow from this process. Worst-case scenario, what you are imagining does not have to become your reality. With a strong support system around you, a solid self-care routine, and some intentional planning, you can not only survive divorce, but come out even better on the other side.
Below are five tips to help you take control and master your life, on the other side of divorce.
1. Lean On Your Friends And Find A Good Therapist
As you are preparing for and going through your divorce, you will want and need to vent about all that is happening, and how life is changing. Some friends and family will be wonderful support, and will provide helpful wisdom, as you process your emotions. They will have your back and they will want to help, but they may not always know how to help. Be clear with these friends and with yourself, about what type of support you would like and what you need. Whether you prefer to be left alone and not discuss what is going on, or you need a weekly night out, your friends and family will appreciate knowing exactly how to help you and support you.
Other friends and family will not be as comfortable with your grief and negative emotions. It is important to distinguish between these two types of friends, and hold your tongue, or keep your distance when you can’t, around the latter. And remember, even your besties have a limit, so do not overburden them by going on and on. There is a difference between venting and obsessively ranting. Professional therapy and coaching are especially helpful during this time of upheaval and change in your family’s life.
Even the best and most supportive of friends are not equipped to help you fully process your feelings, and make sense of your new situation. Enlisting the help of a skilled therapist is essential to healthy emotional healing. A therapist’s office is the ideal place to vent about your situation, get empathy, wisdom
It is also important to note that friends and family should not be relied upon for strategic advice about how to manage your divorce. Seek advice from divorce professionals who specialize in this area, not from well-intentioned but often misinformed friends and family.
2. Develop Your Strategy
Gather a good team of professionals around you to help you develop your divorce strategy. The scariest part of divorce for people is the fear of the unknown. Most people who have not been through divorce have no idea what it looks like on the other side, what you to know, or how to get through it. This is where relying on your team of professionals becomes valuable and so important.
You need someone to work with you to develop your parenting plan, help you understand your financials and how best to divide them, what tax implications might result from selling or dividing assets, how to value your home, how to refinance, how to file your legal paperwork, etc. There is a lot to know about how to proceed through a divorce. A
3. Take Care of Yourself
This is a time of huge upheaval and transition and that requires a great deal of healing and focus on wellness. It is so important for you to take care of and focus on yourself during this time. Divorce is an opportunity to fall in love with yourself, discover who you are and who you want to be. This is a time for self-reflection and a time to invest in yourself. What do you need to feel healthy and nurtured? Do you need to walk each day? Take a bubble bath? Meditate? Take a yoga class? Sip a cup of tea? Or just light a scented candle and veg on the couch? Do something that fills your own cup, at least once a day.
“Divorce is an opportunity to fall in love with yourself, discover who you are and who you want to be. “– Lissy Des Voigne | Divorce Coach at Divorce Strategies Northwest
4. Focus on Forgiveness
When you are angry and you feel wronged, forgiveness can be tough. It is so important to your mental health and emotional well-being. Holding onto anger is a weight that is difficult to bear. To forgive means to let go of the past in order to move on and truly live in the present. Holding onto anger harms us more than it harms the wrong-doer; letting go of anger releases us from the weight of negative emotions.
The best way to forgive is to start by processing the negative emotions around the transgression. Sit with them, be present to them, try to understand what they are telling you. What is the lesson or gift that this situation has brought you or taught you? What boundaries will you now set for yourself? What can you learn from this? How might this situation help you to learn and grow? When you can glean the lesson from the hurtful situation, you can often begin to let it go, find more positivity, and move on.
5. Trust that life will be ok
It will be more than ok. Trust that the Universe has your back. That this is happening for you, not to you. That there is a reason that you are going through this and it is for your own personal growth. Trust that once you have properly grieved and licked your wounds, screamed, shouted
Your Trusted Partner
If you and your ex-spouse are struggling with co-parenting, or perhaps you’re in the initial divorce process, we’re here for you.
We’re here for you. We help you consider your options, arm you with practical information, and strategize with you how to navigate your divorce. Feel free to get in touch with us; we are always available to help!