Strategies to heal and help you feel empowered during one of life’s most stressful experiences.
Divorce forces you to question everything and destroys your sense of safety. Your emotions are a roller coaster through the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). Your finances and living situation feel like landmines. Your hopes and dreams for the future have been blown up. Your relationships, with both the person you believed you’d spend forever with, and even with some friends and family have become blurred.
Divorce is trauma.
The rational reasoning part of your brain is off-line—a natural response to stress and trauma. This is intense; you are not crazy. And you’re going to get through it. You need to bring your pre-frontal cortex back online. Apply these strategies to help yourself take control and begin to thrive.
1. Set Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries exist to protect yourself. Set boundaries around how you will communicate with your ex-spouse and what you will tolerate. You can walk away or hang up the phone. You don’t need to respond. You are responsible for your emotional state— not theirs.
2. Change Your Self Talk
Write down a list of what you need to hear— kind affirmations filled with love and hope. When you hear nasty self-talk, look at that list, and make an effort to change your internal messaging. You can rewire your brain.
3. Create a Calm Space at Home
You need a space at home to calm yourself and truly unwind. Maybe it’s a chair or a corner of your bedroom. Make it sacred— no work or divorce paperwork allowed.
4. Up Your Self Care
Self-care is not selfish. Showing up for yourself allows you to show up for others. Focus on basic self-care first: healthy food, water, sleep. Treat yourself like a beloved friend who needs extra TLC.
5. Make Time to Connect
We are wired for connection. Make sure to regularly and intentionally spend time with friends and family who care about you. You are not a burden. They want to be there for you and you need their support.
6. Date Yourself First
Many people jump into the dating pool quickly… as if to prove how lovable they truly are. Try being single and healing, learning, and loving yourself first. This will put you in a much healthier mindset to meet new friends and/or a fantastic partner.
7. Move and Engage Your Body
Any form of exercise balances your brain chemistry and floods your body with endorphins. Run, walk, dance, yoga—take your pick! Go outside for a hit of natural Vitamin D if you get the chance.
8. Easy on the Alcohol
Trauma causes alcohol to impact your system with more potency. This can lower inhibitions, and cause you to make decisions you may regret later. Be mindful when imbibing, and choose to have a friend(s) with you, to hold you accountable. Try to avoid drinking alone at home, a habit that does not promote a healthy lifestyle.
9. Reach Out for Help & Support
You don’t get extra points for surviving divorce all by yourself. Reach out for help through this process. You will never regret getting help— it’s connective and will promote healing.
10. Be Gentle with Yourself
Treat yourself with compassion, as you would a cherished friend going through a painful trauma. Remind yourself that you’re worth it…. because you are. You got this!
Your Trusted Partner
Whether you’re contemplating a divorce, have already started the process, or are far into the proceedings, do you wish you had someone to share with you the inside scoop on how to save money, time and emotional energy on your divorce?
Our team is available for a complimentary virtual consultation to discuss the many scenarios, options and implications of separation or divorce, via telephone or videoconference during this time. Feel free to get in touch with us; we are here for you!