Despite the glossy images on social media, no relationship is perfect. Every partner is aware of pain points within their relationship. Conflicting feelings can make it hard to know when it’s time to move on… people stay for a variety of reasons.
How do you know if your partnership can be fixed or is beyond repair? Emotional and physical abuse are overt signs you should leave a relationship. Other reasons are more subtle and nuanced, leaving a ripple effect into your life.
While it can be hard to know when to leave a relationship, following are evaluative signs it’s time to consider making a change.
1. When you commonly feel frustration / irritation / dread / discomfort around your partner.
Your body is keenly attuned to your emotional reality… pay attention to your gut instincts.
2. When you live in past memories more than the present.
Staying with your partner should be based on your current feelings, the actual state of the relationship and the future you can envision together… not reliving the past.
3. When your partner expects you to change.
The truest form of love is one that’s unconditional. If you don’t feel “seen” or valued for who you are, it may be time to leave your relationship.
4. When you stay expecting your partner will change.
Hoping your partner will change to fit your expectations, rather than accept them for who they are is a red flag. Intentionally express your feelings… sharing small things often can prevent big blowups.
5. When you are continually justifying your partner’s actions to yourself and to others.
Recognize your partner’s choices and actions as they are, and let them speak for themselves. Ultimately, actions speak louder than words.
6. When the relationship brings you more pain than joy.
We often negate emotional hurt because it’s not visible. The affects and lasting impact of emotional and psychological abuse are more long-lasting and often harder to recover from than physical abuse.
7. When the same situations continually reoccur, despite your repeated attempts to address them.
The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior.
8. When your partner puts little/ no effort into the relationship.
A healthy relationship includes mutual effort and commitment. If both partners are giving equally to each other, the relationship will work. Resentment builds when you feel you are giving more than your partner.
If your partner takes you for granted or doesn’t respect you, bitterness may grow as you work to keep peace within the relationship. Unless this imbalance is addressed, it will increase over time.
9. When your fundamental values / beliefs are different / conflicting.
When you’re building a future with someone, sharing similar values and prioritizing them in similar ways is important. If you are misaligned with your partner on fundamental philosophies, living in friction will make you both miserable.
10. When the relationship holds you back, preventing you from growth as an individual.
A good relationship is one that supports your own growth, so you can enable your partner’s fulfillment. You are responsible for your own emotions and no one else’s.
11. When you stay, hoping things will change.
If you’re holding onto your partner hoping for a better / different future, your relationship is not rooted in reality. Spending time longing for freedom is a clear sign you should move on.
12. When you don’t communicate or are continually unable to resolve conflict.
Healthy communication is crucial in any relationship. If communication is poor, disrespectful or completely missing, the relationship will suffer. While you can learn how to avoid your partner’s triggers, you may not be able to fix deeper problems that a lack of communication indicates.
The key factor to knowing when to leave a relationship is your desire to fix it…. or not. You are past the point of wanting or being able to heal the relationship. When you are confident that you’ve done everything possible to rehabilitate and repair your relationship, and you continue to think about / plan your exit, it is time to move on. If you’re contemplating or dreaming about life without your partner, face the truth and be honest with yourself.
When you’ve determined that you’re ready to make a change, it can still be difficult to take action. Ultimately, facing reality and leaving a relationship is about overcoming your fear of the unknown. Educate yourself, cultivate your inner strength, and bravely move onto a new chapter. Change takes courage.
You are not alone.
Your Trusted Partner
Whether you’re contemplating a divorce, have already started the process, or are far into the proceedings, do you wish you had someone to share with you the inside scoop on how to save money, time, and emotional energy on your divorce?
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